The Pattern
The drawing is a response to my father's poem 'The Pattern'. In the poem dad finds the pattern for the dress which his bride, my mum, wore thirty-six years ago on their wedding day. I love the imagery in the poem, the snow, the veil, the washing line, all the whiteness. I also liked the contrast between the stillness of the garden and the windiness of the wedding day. Charcoal is a great medium for drawing snow. The white of the paper- the negative space- evokes the feeling of snow fairly easily. I had been out drawing snowy landscapes a lot at the start of the year, after a heavy snowfall where I live in the Western Highlands, so I was kind of obsessed with snow.
I had planned to do the Pattern drawing for my parents' wedding anniversary however my dad died in January. The picture then acquired a new poignancy and urgency. I felt even more strongly the fragility of life within the words of the poem. For the figure of my mum as a young bride I used stills from their wedding film and wedding photos. I was keen to capture a sense of movement so drew her fairly quickly. I managed to find some similar Vogue patterns to look at the texture of the paper and I was able to photograph the original pattern which dad refers to. For Dad's hands I used stills from the film about him (Where poems Come From), that was really useful, I also used my own hands a bit, they are similar to Dad's.
This was all quite an emotional process, but I think it helped comfort me as I grieved for Dad. It made me feel closer to him. Charcoal drawing, especially on this scale, is very expressive and can feel like an emotional release. I wanted to add photos in the foreground to deepen a sense of the past, to think about the relatives who had died, most of whom I'd never met, and my connection to them. I was looking through old photos anyway, I think this is something people do when someone they love dies.
I enjoyed drawing the trees, especially the beech tree with every twig covered, that line was at the front of my mind. I loved trying to create the snowy silent atmosphere of the garden, the way snow transforms the familiar- the childlike wonder of it. Charcoal can create a certain mood, it has a soft smudginess which adds to the dreamy, unreal quality. I used an electric rubber to achieve some of the sparkly snowflakes and fine, snow-laden twigs. The animals I added as a reference to another of dad's poems- one of my and his favourites- Persephone. I have it by heart now, these lines are so beautiful:
'The weasel and ferret, the stoat and fox
Move hand in glove across the equinox.
I can tell how softly their footsteps go -
Their footsteps borrow silence from the snow.'
I'm sorry that Dad didn't get to see the drawing, I like to think he would have approved. The Pattern is one of his most popular poems, it's much loved, so I'll be interested to see what people make of the drawing. Most importantly, I hope Mum likes it!